Welcome!

Alrighty, so I'll be blunt. This is my first real blog. I don't expect this to get many followers. But what the hell, right?

I guess I should start off by reviewing something, since that's what this blog will (ideally) be about. Looking over my collection of 360 games (and I own both a PS3 and 360, so back off, Microsoft/Sony fanboys), I see very little that sucks... Oh, wait--. Damn. WET.

Well, alright. Let's rip it a new hole.

Now, WET has been out for a long time. Maybe the fact that it was ten bucks at Gamestop should have been a red flag. Or the fact that I've heard the phrases "intensely unlikeable" and "unfinished hackjob" and "what the hell, didn't these people make Oblivion and Fallout 3" thrown about. Or that my friend cringed visibly when I mentioned it. But I pressed on, blindly faithful that Bethesda could climb lovingly over the corpses of the Vault-Boy and Maiik the Liar to bring us the full, Tarantino/Rodriguez-fueled bloodfest grindhouse game.

Semi-whoops.

As I stuck the game in, I was immediately confronted by the fact that I didn't give two tugs of a dead dog's cock about the story. Well, this being a grindhouse game, I thought that was a given. But noooo. Bethesda, trying to distance themselves as much as possible from their former games, perhaps, one assumes, due to a spontaneous development of an allergy to success and acclaim, has created a really... bad, I guess, but that doesn't quite do it justice, story. "Intensely unlikable" really can't begin to describe the main character, Rubi Malone, voiced by I don't give a shit who because she sounds like an Americanized Claudia Black (Sorry Claudia, please don't kill me). Basically, if you've seen a 70's action movie, you've seen this, just this lacks the awesome.

Gameplay-wise, I found another dead rat in my shoe. It seems a platformer, drunk and depressed, shacked up with Max Payne, got preggo, and gave birth to an FAS-baby combining the worst parts of those two things. The father didn't wait around, either, because this game lacks any of it's father's GOOD. Shooting is overly-easy, and it feels so insultingly easy I honestly thought that I was going to get a free ice cream cone to make up for the lack of gameplay. Or at least a gratuity shot of Rubi. But once again, Bethesda slapped me in the face, sternly said no, and whipped me back into licking its stilletos. And now I've lost my train of thought.

If I had to summarize this game in one sentence, it's this: 'stylized' can only carry you so far; at some point, gamers are going to demand actual gameplay, dicky demanding bastards that they all are. WET: piss off, skip it.